The Journey from CEO to Artist

It's a big thing for me to call myself an artist... it is still very uncomfortable. I, like many people, spent most of my life defining myself by the job I did. I have found that leaving a successful career and becoming "unemployed", even if it wasn't for a long time, threw me far outside of my comfort zone. Have you ever noticed how, when you meet people for the first time, one of the first things they ask is "what do you do"? It's an awkward gap in the conversation to fill when you explain that you don't have a job currently... I found myself making excuses for myself, that now I feel shouldn't have been necessary. A favourite excuse was "I'm taking a year off to find myself", which, depending on who I was speaking to, drew looks of pity, confusion or, occasionally, envy.

Another excuse was that I'm having a midlife crisis, which may or may not be true... I have to accept that I am middle aged (even if I feel far from it), but I don't know that crisis is the right word to describe where I am at. I don't think that is the right label for it. After living my life for so long without questioning where I was going, or why, and trusting that keeping everyone else happy would eventually make me happy, I finally came to the realisation that I wasn't happy. I also wasn't healthy or fulfilled and was unlikely to be unless I made some drastic changes. So, I made what was, on reflection, a very brave decision to make a life change. I initially made that choice back in October 2019, giving notice at my job and making plans to travel and study. Those plans were thwarted by a pandemic. My flights booked for 2nd April 2020 were cancelled and credited for some unknown future date. Luckily, I had a backup plan, in the form of another job, which I started as soon as the restrictions lifted. I moved back to the Eastern Bay of Plenty where I had grown up and took up the challenge of running my parent's horticultural business. I did that for more than two and a half years, until I realised I was in the same situation again. Unhappy and unhealthy I decided it was now or never! Once I made up my mind it was like everything just fell into place. This time nothing got in my way and by December 2022 I was finishing up at work and preparing to travel, study and explore my creative side!

Of course, artist is not the only label that defines me, but it is one of the newest that I would attribute to myself. It has been part of my journey of self-discovery, or rather self-re-discovery over the past few years. I always had a love of art. At school you would find me in the art class in my spare time, and studying art history was always fun for me also. I had great dreams of curating in famous art galleries, because with typical teenaged self-deprecation, I always doubted my own creative talents. I hadn't really painted in over 20 years when a good friend suggested we do a painting afternoon at my place one weekend over a few wines. She brought her trusty paint by numbers canvas, and I decided to freestyle it. I had been intending to paint for a while, so I was all set up with the paint, brushes and canvas I needed to get going. I have to credit that friend with re-igniting a passion for art in me, and much to my surprise, I realised I hadn't forgotten how to paint! The rest, as they say, is history! Or rather, the start of a new story that I will tell on another occasion...